Few things are known to bring a dead man back from the grave. If you’re Jesus, it’s coming back to life so people will trust your daddy to escort them to the religious equivalent of Toys R’ Us after they die. If you’re Link from The Legend of Zelda series, it’s the tender caress of a young fairy. For some guy named Galileo Galilei (pronounced GAY-lil-ayo GAY-lil-lay) who claims he invented the clock, it’s a reactionary hashtag movement that leads to the instantaneous success and fame of a 14-year-old Muslim boy who rearranges already existing devices and then brings them to class without regard to probable school regulations pertaining to potential threats to faculty and students. He’s one year shy of being legally allowed to operate a vehicle, by the way.
Naturally, we’re talking about the #IStandWithAhmed thing that’ll only be around for a few more days. Everyone’s tweeting about it. It’s trending! What’s your opinion on this trending topic?
Cool clock, Ahmed. Want to bring it to the White House? We should inspire more kids like you to like science. It’s what makes America great.
— President Obama (@POTUS) September 16, 2015
We’ll see a couple photos from his White House and/or Facebook HQ visit, then that’ll pretty much be the end of things for him, press-wise. For Galileo, he hopes it’s the end of things for Ahmed Mohamed, permanently.
That’s right, Galileo returned to Earth for one final interview, and Video Entertainment Analysis Group was lucky enough to speak with the former astronomer, now ghost.
“While I certainly applaud the youth of 2015 for at least attempting to create of their own accord, I do find it super bullshit that he is getting all of this attention, hashtag verily.” Galileo said. The pale figure then made a little # symbol with his fingers.
What would Bernie Sanders say if he were president?
“I invented the clock. He just unscrewed something using his dad’s Phillips head. Where’s my White House invitation by Obama? Where’s my free Surface Pro 3? Art thou aware of what a man of my mental capacity could do with such a brilliant tablet device, not to mention the built-in keyboard? Microsoft hashtag verily just sent that brown boy free shit for publicity as well. More PR bullshit from big corporations. Sure, my name was passed down through history, but while I was alive, I probably would’ve enjoyed a 3D printer more. I’m furious! Put that in the headline.”
Galilei’s ghost made the # symbol with his hands again. “Hashtag, No Three Dee For Me.”
When asked about life during the Renaissance, the phantom philosopher simply exclaimed, “Goodnight! Kinda hope that Ahmed kid dies!” and flew up in an elegant spiral towards the stars. Guess we’ll never know what life was like back then. Oh, well. It would’ve been cool to know, but it’s not a huge deal. It’s not going to bother me. I just thought I’d ask since it’s more interesting than hashtivism. More worth looking into during our free time.
Intellectual Always,
VEAG.
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